You get the Turtle or the Rabbit with me, no middle..

So, by the title, you may all be a bit confused. Well, last time we tried IVF, I reacted too well to the medications, and had to cancel before we could actually get to a procedure. This time they cut the dose of one medication in half, and so now, things are progressing very slowly. My blood levels are lower than they expected which means my body is not springing into action like they thought it would. So tomorrow I go in for my 5th dr appointment day in a row. This has been quite the experience. And through all the frustration, the tears, and the anger, I would do it again in a heart beat. Mike gets this face, whenever we are talking about the next week (retrieval & transfer), that just makes my heart jump. He is so excited, and so ready to move to these next steps. We have really enjoyed getting to know each other all over again. And if this is the way we have to go to be parents, BRING IT ON!! We are ready

And it starts again

Mike and I were up at 530 Sunday morning to start the crazy process all over again. I took my first 10 unit shot of Lupron. I am not sure whether to be excited or scared. I choose excited because scared just makes me nervous.

Farewell Summer

The ice on my windshield has offically told the story..Summer is over. I am sad to see it go. It has been such a whirlwind. There has been so much going on. I will put it in a list, hopefully to make it easier for me to remember.

1. For Mothers day we planned a trip to Flaming Gorge with my family. We didn't end up going until June, but hey, at least we managed to get all of us in one place at one time. I can not remember ever going there so it was a lot of fun. Of course, because the water was so cold I was not allowed to get in. We are miles from a hospital, and we although we had an ample supply of Benadryll, I wasn't about to chance it.

Just waiting for the Dam tour to begin. Jessie is mid blink. What a great shot.

Wow, there sure are alot of us these days

I think this place is beautiful. This is from the Overlook station thing they have there.

Derek showed my brothers how to sucessfully jump off a very tall cliff into the cold water. Everyone jumped in but me and Mom. But, hey can you blame me, I could never do a ninja kick as well as Derek can.

Have I mentioned before that I am terrified of heights. Just another reason I didn't dare jump.

2. Matt received his mission call. He leaves to the MTC mid November. Poor kid will miss Thanksgiving, and because he will be in the MTC over Christmas he will not be able to call. That makes me sad.

Dad played a little joke on us all. We all laughed about it later, but at the time I think every person in that room wanted to kill him.

Mom had to call Michael and leave him a voicemail when Matt opened it because he was at debate camp. Of course the picture of her is crying, because thats what all good moms do, cry for their babies when they succeed.

So Matt, where are you going? You have been called to serve in the Santiago Chile North Mission!! Congrats kid. You will be a stellar missionary. Just hope you like rice and hot dogs.

3. Well as everyone knows, we tried IVF but had to cancel because my body wasn't playing along right. But to put it in perspective, these are the shots it took to get us as far as it did. The shot in the middle I took every day for 3 weeks, the other 2 I only had to do for a little over a week. Shots were at 5am every morning to make sure we had them at the same time. It took alot out of me, but it will be worth it. I am excited to do it again at the end of November.

4. Because the IVF got cancelled I was able to spend a lot of time with my family at the annual reunion at Bear Lake. Unfortunately I was sad the whole time, spent a lot of time in pain, and worst of all didn't get any pictures. Luckily I have awesome family members who have their cameras and posted for me to look at. You guys ROCK!!

5. The last thing is we moved out of our house. In order to finance M&M Photo Tours it means we need extra cash flow, so Mike and I left our beautiful, newly renovated home in the hands of some really awesome renters. We will be living with the in-laws for a year (at least). I miss you house. You were always so good to me.

Cancelled, for now

I am way behind on updating posts, and have so much to talk about, but I wanted to get a quick update out there for those of you who do not yet know. Mike and I attempted IVF during the 2nd week in August. Well my body responded a bit too well to the medications and the procedure had to be cancelled before they retrieved my eggs. My ovaries had gotten too big and I had too many eggs. Had they caught it a few days earlier we might have still proceeded, but that is not sure. We are hopefully going to try again in late October/early November. I will have to start all the shots again, which wasn't pleasant, but it will be worth it, I am sure. I am heartbroken and disappointed, but the time will come and I will be a mom someday somehow.

A little of my photography...

So lets give this bloging thing a whirl...
(ya this is a first for me. -Mike)

Here are a few of my pics from my trip to Yellowstone.

August It Is

Well, to all you out there in blogger land, it is official. Mike and I received our final confirmation letter from the University of Utah and we are on our way to IVF!! Finally we will be taking the last step in our long infertility struggle. I have called the nurse and we will beginning the process in June and then finally do the procedure in August. Why so late you ask, well I have CST Conference for work all through July, so August is the soonest we can do it. But hey, from today that is only 3 months away. I am excited...mommyhood I am on my way!!

Ode to a Photographer

I was sitting here going through Mike's albums of pictures and I decided to post a few of some fo the fun stuff he has done with his class in school. These pictures actually come from a class last semester on lighting, but I still think that they are cool and think he did a pretty good job.

A Jellyfish that he got me. It is clear in real life

Quinn and Casey in their Halloween Costumes last year.

A pot that he threw in high school!

Some awesome bottles we brought home from Argentina. It was worth checking the bag since they are all obviously over 3 oz.

This one is just cool, because we wrote that using a laser pen and leaving the shutter open on the camera forever.

It Gets Even Better

Wow, I love you all for being so quick on the blog...I thought, "Oh I will update today and then I will finish the story next week, since not too many people look at my blog anyways" but boy was I wrong. Every single one of you makes me laugh, thanks for being so loving and supportive to Mike and I.

Well, to continue the story, we had our home study on April 8th with a social worker we will call Jim*. Jim came over and he wasn't that scary in person. He was a older man who has been doing home studies for over 30 years. He has worked for LDS Social Services, for the State, for attorneys and now that he is part retired he does this work with the University of Utah pretty much for fun! He spent an hour talking to both of us, going over how we met, how our marriage was, or finances (all stuff I expected). Then I took him on a tour of the house. He like our house which made me happy. It was funny because he walked into our second bedroom, which houses our TV and elliptical and said "So this will be the babies room?" and I got a HUGE smile on my face and said "YES!!" It was probably the best moment of this whole ordeal so far. I actually got to say out loud that I would be having a baby someday and this room is where I would keep it (kinda like your favorite toy at age 3 that you hide from all the other kids) He then talked to me alone and Mike alone. He asked me to describe my mom, my dad, their marriage (or lack there of these days), to describe Mike and finally to describe myself. I had to tell him who I was more like, my mom or my dad. That was a hard one for me. He asked Mike the same questions (alone). He brought us back together and told us he thought we were a very nice couple. His only real concern was Mike's lack of job (don't worry Jim, it is one of my biggest concerns too). He left us with a bit of homework and he was on his way after just over 2 hours. It was not that big of a deal, and I did not need to scrub the floors with ammonia like I did (he didn't even check under the cupboards or in the oven...oh well at least they are clean now) I stressed more than I needed to but hey when the fate of your future family lies in the hands of one single man you do everything you can to make that person happy. We even bought lunch and snacks and water bottles just in case. Boy we sure are crazy.
He did leave us with a bit of homework. Mike and I both needed to get a Criminal Background Check and a Child Abuse Background Review done. That was easy, just requesting a few forms. It makes me wonder why they don't make every person having a baby do this though. Some sweet children would be saved from a very yucky upbringing. Truthfully I was bitter for a bit that I had to have these extensive reviews and checks done one me, and any 15 year old who slips up can have a baby, but I guess I have learned a lot about myself through the process. It really made me do a lot of looking inside to see what I am really made of. The last part of our homework was a packet with questions we had to fill out. These questions were tough for me and took a few days to complete. Just so you can see a what I mean:

c. Which individual had the most influence in your life?

d. What was your most negative experience?

e. What was teh best part of your childhood?

f. What was the most difficult part of your childhood?

i. How was love expressed in your family?

5. Describe situations that create conflict for your family and how conflicts are resolved

12. List names and relationships of those that will provide babysitting, child care, respite care, and long-term care should you be unable to care for your child.

Keep in mind that the person reviewing these answers has the option of giving you a baby or not!
Anyway you look at it, the information is all in. We got a call on April 19 telling us that Jim had sent his final report up to the committee at the U. I called April on April 22, and she did in fact have it. The committee will have to review it and we will get a secondary acceptance letter (or rejection letter) from them in about a month. At that time we get to start making plans and setting dates for the procedures. What a crazy ride it has been, and yes, I am for sure stressing about that second letter. I know in my heart I have nothing to worry about, but that isn't stopping me just the same.

*Real names changed to protect the identity of the innocent :)

The First Steps

December 10, 2008 (my 25th birthday) Mike and I had a meeting with a representative at the University of Utah. We will call her April. We met with her to begin our application for the Miracle Fund. The Miracle Fund is a way for a private donor to donate the money for a couple to go through the IVF (invitro fertilization) process. This donor donated enough to cover the cost for 25 couples in 2008. It was a crazy meeting and I left very emotional. I wanted so bad to get this fund. We had a 12 page application we had to complete, as well as 5 references we had to get and a few medical tests. We finished the application and got all test results in around the beginning of January. Then it was just a wait process. It was excruciating to say the least. I knew the committee that would review the applications only met a few times a year, but I didn't know how long I could wait. Then Friday, March 27, 2009 I got a letter in the mail with this logo on it

I still had to wait another 2 hours or so until Mike got home before I could open it. That was the hardest 2 hours to make it through. I ended up with a really clean house though, because it was the only way I could find to keep my mind occupied while I waited. When Mike got home we opened the letter:

Dear Nicole and Michael Montgomery
Through the generosity of anonymous donors, and after successful completion of a family study by a State licensed social worker, you will be able to be recipients of one cycle of IVF to be completed before the end of March 2010.

Monday I called April back and got the name and number of a social worker who would come to our house and complete a home study. A home study is where a social worker comes to your home, interview you and your spouse, inspect the home, and evaluate you as an individual and a couple. Pretty scary if you ask me. But, the social worker sounded really nice over the phone, and the interview date was set.

What Makes The World Go Round

There are some things I hate in life more than others. One of those things is people who get a blog and then NEVER update it. To me a blog is a way of telling those you don’t talk to on a daily or weekly or monthly basis what is going on in your life. Well I am one of those super sucky people that I hate. It has been over a month since I last posted, and I feel so bad. It has been a crazy crazy time. I will update with the biggest highlights, but I spent a few days in Louisville Kentucky, which was interesting. The city is beautiful and I actually had a lot more fun that I had expected to. Quinn left on his mission. He is already in and out of the MTC. He is currently serving in St. Vincent. It sounds like he is having a good time. I haven’t seen any pictures, but I would assume it is beautiful. Maybe I can get his mom to update his blog with the pictures he sends.
Mike managed to lose his job. He is working at 2 part time gigs right now, while he looks for a full time position. He has great potential with his travel business, and I see that taking off HUGE in the next few months. With him working so much I rarely get to see him. I might see him for a whole hour once in a while, so really the only time I see him anymore is Sunday. Luckily our car is in the shop getting new brakes today, so I got to see him while he took me to work and took me back to the shop to pick up the car. SCORE!!! Love him to bits, yes I do.

Whilriwnd

Well I made it back to Salt Lake City at 9:10 am on Thursday morning. I made it to the rehearsal no problem. The wedding was beautiful. I don't have any pictures yet, but as soon I get some I will be sure to post them. It was so much fun to see my brother get married, and then 2 days later see my brother-in-law give his mission farewell speech. Quinn did such a good job. He is going to be a very good missionary. He is going to the West Indies Mission, which is in the middle of the Caribbean. I am excited for tomorrow, when we get to take him to the MTC. It will be such an exciting time for his family. Now all boys will have served missions for the church.
I will say I will be glad to get back to work on Thursday. It has been a full schedule ever since North Carolina and I am ready to get back to just plain normal life. Guess we will see if just plain normal life ever exists again.

Best Job Ever...Yeah Right

Many people tell me that I have a great job. I sit at a desk working 4 10 hr days, I have management that I am friends with, and I get to fly to exotic (including Phoenix) locations. Well to all of them I say BLAH!!! I was sent to Raleigh North Carolina (RDU) this week to do some work. Well, not only is it the first week in March, but it is also the week of my brother Nathan's wedding. His rehearsal dinner is tomorrow and the wedding is on Friday 3.6.9 (love the date, it is so numerically fun). Anyways, the rehearsal is tomorrow, and I am stuck here in Raleigh, with a broken plane and a flight attendant that will time out (not be able to fly due to workhour restrictions) if we do not take off soon. So, either I fly really late into Atlanta, and stay for 5 hours there, or they cancel the flight here, and I come back at 4am to fly out on a 520am flight to Atlanta, then finally to Salt Lake City. Oh what choices!!!
I am trying to find the humor in it, I promise I am, but if you know me you know that things like this stress me out. Of course it is only happening because I have something to get home to, because I have plans from the minute I get home all the way through next Wednesday. If you ever get stuck in the Raleigh airport flying Delta, the agents are super nice and super helpful. Just tell them you kow Nicole from SkyWest and if they know me, they may be extra super nice to you.
Jessie & Nate, I love you and promise I did not mean for this to happen. I will make it home by the rehersal...PROMISE

My Crazy Wonderful Man

"Honey, I have a great idea for a snack" That is my favorite line these days. My cute husband knows immediately that I am going to ask for something to eat. It doesn't matter that I am actually closer to the kitchen, or that I am such a picky eater, he will look at me and smile. No ladies, he does not get it every time, but he is pretty darn close. He is such a great guy and I wanted to thank him for being that way. He loves me and I could not ask for more. He has put up with not only me, but me on anti-depressents (not pretty), me on fertility medications (even worse) and me in the hospital on multiple occasions (I am actually pretty funny then). He continues to strive to do his best to take care of me and provide for my future. He has recently started a new travel company M&M Photo Tours. He is very excited about it, and I love seeing the enthusiasim in his eyes when he talks about it. Good luck babe. I know you can do anything you put your mind to. Sorry I don't have a picture of you, but because you are photographer, you are always behind the camera.

Just Some More Lingo

I am putting a few of my favorites, but after talking to our cousins Annie and Tallon I have decided to include a link to the complete TTC (Trying To Concieve) Acronym dictionary.

BD - Baby Dance (making a Baby that is)
BFN - Big Fat Negative (Neg Pregnancy Test)
BFP - Big Fat Positive! (Positive Pregnancy Test)
DH - Dear Husband
POAS - Pee on a stick (Home Pregnancy Test)
SMEP - Sperm Meets Egg Plan
TWW - Two week wait (also 2WW-that horrid time after ovulation, until you get a BFP or BFN)

What exactly does "UNEXPLAINED" mean?

Well, as many of you know, Mike and I are unable to have children the good old fasioned way :( I have a mixture of "UNEXPLAINED" infertility and P.C.O.S. I thought I would post a little dictionary for the few of you that aren't sure what I am talking about when I get on a rampage. (Sorry if you have been subjected to one of those, I know it is unenjoyable, Mike reminds me of it all the time) The following is pulled off of WebMD, I think they say it the best.
***Caution - I do use medical terms***
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (say "pah-lee-SIS-tik OH-vuh-ree SIN-drohm") is a problem in which a woman’s hormones are out of balance. Polycystic ovary syndrome (or PCOS) is common, affecting as many as 1 in 15 women. Often the symptoms begin in the teen years. Treatment can help control the symptoms and prevent long-term problems. For reasons that are not well understood, in PCOS the hormones get out of balance.
Follicle Stimulation Hormone In women, FSH helps control the menstrual cycle and the production of eggs by the ovaries.
Femara This medication is used with other medications to treat certain types of breast cancer (e.g., hormone-receptor-positive breast cancer) in women after menopause. Letrozole is also used to help prevent the cancer from returning. Some breast cancers are made to grow faster by a natural hormone called estrogen. Letrozole decreases the amount of estrogen the body makes and helps to slow or reverse the growth of these breast cancers.(**ALTHOUGH I DO NOT HAVE BREAST CANCER, IT IS THE MEDICATION I AM GIVEN MOST OF THE TIME. THE FDA WILL NOT APPROVE IT FOR INFERTILITY USE, BUT IT DOES THE JOB**)
Hamster Penetration Test The sperm penetration assay (also called the hamster zona-free ovum test or hamster test) checks whether a man's sperm can join with an egg. Sperm are mixed with hamster eggs in a laboratory. The number of sperm that penetrate the egg (sperm capacitation index) is measured. This test is done most often at special fertility centers that do in vitro fertilization (**Yes, we have had this done* Long Live mansters!!*)
Saline Ultrasound A hysterosonogram is done to evaluate the inside of the uterus (endometrial cavity) by filling the uterus with fluid during an ultrasound. This procedure is also known as a sonohysterogram.
Reproductive Endocronoligist (RE) (Dr. Gibson at the University of Utah) Reproductive endocrinologists are medical doctors who specialize in the care and treatment of women who have trouble becoming pregnant or who have other reproductive or hormonal disorders. Reproductive endocrinologists are gynecologists who specialize in infertility.
Semen Analysis semen analysis checks the number of sperm (sperm count), the number of sperm that look normal, the number of sperm that can move normally, the number of white blood cells in the semen, and how much semen is made. For more information, see the medical test Semen Analysis.
hCG If follicles fully develop, you are given a human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) injection to stimulate the follicles to mature.

What is this?

So I have spent the last three days in bed with some form of stupid cold. It all started last Friday, and just has continually gotten worse. It is really starting to make me mad. Taking 3 days off work is something that I just don't do. Any one have any ideas for some remedies? I have tried everything I could think of.

Housing Update

Well, we have won 1/2 the battle with our foundation. The city inspectors came out and decided that the foundation was more than just a "stress fracture". They sent a letter on January 2 to the home builders (Holmes Homes) notifying them that it was their issues, and they needed to replace the foundation, and they had 30 days to do it. YEAH US!!! On January 19th and Mike called the city and their update was: "Holmes Homes is saying because it is the slab of the foundation it not structural and therefore they do not need to fix it." My response was "The cracks in my wall say it is very structural and they HAVE to fix it." They finally came out and it was a lot more work then they had intended. They were told to chip down everything so it was under 3/8 of an inch. Well there was a lot that was over that. They had to pull up one row of tile in the front entry way. and they spent probably 3 hours chipping away! One guy left and came back an hour later with the self leveling cement. They poured that over about 1/2 of the crack, and they filled the rest with some cement caulk. Mike is going to get cement and cover the rest of the crack, so that everything is level for the floor. Although it wasn't a huge win, it was a win and now we are one step closer to having the house put back together!

Yesterday Mike and I decided to paint the celing in the front room. We had primed the new drywall the week before. After 2 1/2 hours of painting, and being only 1/2 way done, Mike and I decided to not be such savers, and we just went to Lowes and got new rollers. We had been using old ones that were not for "textured surfaces", and it was taking FOREVER. Once we bought the new brush, we were done with the other 1/2 in about an hour! That will teach us to be thrifty. Never again!! ha ha Mike did a super job on the celing, doing all of the main painting. All I had to do was tape and do the edges. His poor neck was so stiff after we were done. Thanks Honey!! You are awesome!
(**Sorry there are no pictures. Mike has them all on his camera and I have no idea how to pull them off. I will do some sort of picture post later**)

Our Personal Christmas Miracle

December 11 2008 was a day that I will never forget. Not only because it was my father-in law's birthday but also because it was the day that Mike and I received our own Christmas Miracle. Mike's extended family (the Montgomery side) decided last year ('07) to do an Angel Tree for the Christmas party '08. So everyone got together their change that they had saved during the year and at the Christmas party we counted it up. We were all so suprised at the number. Then, Grandma Montgomery brought out the tree and Ashlee Hansen read who the angel would be:

Some of our loved ones, we pick of this tree
We've saved all year for your specifically
Building a family we know is your goal
We see this desiere, light from your soul
We've thought & pondered "What more could we do"
So please take this gift from our hearts to you
Some of our loved ones, we pick off this tree
These angels in our lives are Mike & Nickie

(written by Cami)

This was our miracle. This was the best Christmas gift we could have ever gotten. What we did not know was a few months before the party "secret" e-mails were sent to everyone, except us, letting them know that there was a slight change in plans. Although there would still be an angel picked that angel would come from much closer to home.

My heart cannot begin to thank you all enough. You have given Mike and I something we couldn't, the beginnings of a family. You have been our Christmas Miracle. We Love You So Much. Thank you for your sneeky little way of showing us you care. You mean everything to us.